Recently the issue of bullies has moved to the front burner in my family. During the last couple of weeks I have shared the details of how I resolved my son's problem with a couple of bullies in our neighborhood. One important lesson my son and I learned from this experience is that it is better for a kid to resolve bully problems themselves if possible. When the parents step into the situation it gets messy because the parents of bullies are themselves bullies which only intensifies things. We won our battle, but at a high cost to public relations on our block. In hindsight I see no alternative to the way I dealt with the problem. Taking the offense and bringing the bullies to their knees was the only choice that would insure my son's freedom. I wonder what Dr. Laura would say.
The lesson here is to better prepare our kids to fend for themselves. Should we teach them defense and focus on how to prevent conflicts or should we teach offense and focus on standing your ground and fighting for your rights. As a child I chose defense. I avoided fighting at all cost and somehow got through the first fifty years of my life without a single fight. On the other hand, my son doesn't seem to be interested in that approach. He seems to be attracted to offense. Of course, the answer is to let the child decide. You can not force a fighter to talk and you can not force a talker to fight. So for my son it's off to fighting school.