In last weeks column I talked about how I recently rescued my son from the "Bully Trap". For review, I defined the bully trap as a state of mind in which kids accept being bullied by bigger kids. Unfortunately, this state of mind has many negative side effects. For example, the child starts to take a dimmer, more hopeless view of life in general. In this state of mind a kid looses the ability to find satisfaction from normal everyday activity. In essence, my son was becoming trapped and his inability to think clearly prevented him from being able see the problem, much less, figure out how to solve it. additionally a real threat was brewing since a couple of eighth graders seemed to be getting their jollies picking on my sixth grader.
So what does a parent do in this situation? I broke the problem down into three parts as follows: The first part was to eliminate the threat from the two eighth graders. The second part was to clear all the garbage out of my son's head so he could start thinking clearly again. The third part was to build my son's confidence so he would be able to deal with the next bully that was sure to come along.
PART ONE - I took my son and visited the parents of both eighth graders. One parent agreed with me that his eighth grader should not pick on my sixth grader and we would work together to make sure his son didn't go near my son. The second boys parents were not so cooperative. As a matter of fact, they were somewhat violent themselves and called the police to throw me off of their property. In this case I went to court and got the judge to sign a victim's protection order against their 8th grader. The prospect of facing a judge was enough to turn this bully into a pussy cat. Needless to say, I never did have to go to court and part one of the problem was solved.
PART TWO - For the second part, an illness I call garbage in the brain, I applied a time tested solution that always works. First I took my son completely out of circulation. Some people call it restriction, I try not to use that word. I explained to my son that he wasn't thinking clearly and until he could start seeing the good in things and be able to enjoy the simple things in life there was no sense being around his friends. Next I took away all television and video game privileges. There is no sense feeding more garbage into a sick brain. That left reading, talking to his parents, and doing his homework as his choices of entertainment. Finally I explained to my son that this was no short term solution. This plan would be in effect until every little bit of garbage was cleaned out of his brain. The thought of spending the whole summer out of circulation would be a strong motivator.
PART THREE - The last part was to start building up his confidence. For this I enrolled him in fighting school. I tried that a few years ago but he did not like it. NOW HE LIKES IT! There is a nice little school near us that focuses on self defense training. The kids get a lot of hands on time sparing with each other and learn to loose their fear of bullies. This is the part he likes the most.
It's been about a month since I discovered this problem and I want to report that my son is doing just fine. He has read a number of good books and his thinking is getting so clear that he is beginning to appreciate what I have done for him. I hope this helps some of you solve your kids problems caused by the bully trap. If anyone thinks they have a better solution I would love to hear about it.