Dealing with undesirable people.   

Dangers imposed on my child by other children is an issue that bothers me very much. I spend lots of time thinking about how I can teach my son to deal with bullies and other undesirable people. This issue, like most parenting issues, requires a considerable amount of patience. Here is one guideline I have learned to live by when dealing with this issue.

First and foremost,  I want my son to learn to trust my judgment. Therefore, I try very hard not to be a person who passes judgment on his friends and school mates. Instead, I spend a lot of time asking him how he feels about different people which, of course, opens the door for him to ask me how I feel as well. Making too many decisions for our children only reduces their confidence in themselves.

The way I see it, I need to train my child to always be aware of potential problem people. This can only be taught through repeated examples over a long period of time.  One way I do this is by making a game out of observing people. From time to time I pick someone out of a crowd, and we try to figure out what they are all about. We talk about how they could be a danger, and we also look at them as being friendly and harmless. The point in all of this is that by constantly playing this game of figuring out the good side and bad side of people I am developing, in my son, the habit of being aggressively observant. To me, "Aggressively Observant" means that he is always aware of what is going on around him. Because this is an activity of the sub-conscious mind, it can only be learned through experience. His experience comes, initially, from playing this game with me but if I can make this a fun experience he will continue with the game on his own, improving his ability to be in control of the world around him.  This habit will also be helpful when he starts driving a car.  Never let a day go by without some discussion about this issue.